Things I Did Not Expect About Being Engaged

1). How Excited [crazy] My Mom Is

As my dad says, "she is spun up like a top." Within the first week I got engaged she had already gotten a sample bridesmaids dress, cake samples, looked at invitations, wedding dresses, and reception sites in Yorktown...and I am not even getting married down there. It is very funn to have a mom who is so excited and I am thankful for that.

2). How Much My Mom and I Disagree

I expected us to disagree on some things here and there. But it is everything. Literally 95% of the details.

I like: Hair down, tea length bridesmaids dresses with straps, orange and maroon, creative/trendy invitations, a funky cake, ties and vests for the men, the Waterford at Fair Oaks, an open bar.

She likes: Hair up, long strapless dresses, teal or blue, very traditional invitations, a white cake with white icing, bow ties, the Westfields Marriott, maybe a cocktail hour.

3). How Tempting Eloping Sounds

I always thought I wanted a big wedding with revelry and funn. Planning is very exciting but sometimes when I lay in bed at night I sigh and think, "is it really worth the fuss?" The answer is Yes. Mostly because of the entrance we will have at the reception.

4). How Stressful it is to be Told to be Selfish

The fact of the matter is I am a people pleaser. I have been told by lots of people that I need to be selfish and to do everything I want just the way I want it. That is actually more stressful for me b/c I hate dealing with the idea that I am disappointing people or that things will be tacky, ridiculous, or that all my bridesmaids will hate wearing orange and maroon dresses and curse me forever. Also, it is way more stressful to deal with fighting for details than to compromise and do something that will please the other people involved.

Maybe I will look back in 30 years and regret it but by then I will have my own daughter and can have my real dream wedding!

5). How Much Funn it is to Do It With Brian

He must have read a book on how to be a great fiance because he is doing awesome. He has mastered the following phrases:

"What do you need me to do"

"Are you sure I can't help address the invitations?"

"That sounds perfect"

"You are so creative"

"Anything you want"

and my personal favorite -

"All I want is a garage, basement, and to be married to you."

"Decisions are the Worst"

I think that I need to think about my food decisions in a wholistic way. Not just worrying about what I am going to eat for breakfast or for lunch. Seeing each meal as part of a whole. Part of my whole menu for the day. Part of my whole caloric intake for the week.

Each decision about food is an important one. I shouldn’t be thinking that it won't matter if I just have just this one cookie or just this one box of M&Ms because each little M&M plays into the bigger picture of my diet, my body, my life, my attitude.

One small decision to have a Reese’s Peanut Butter Blast from Sonic can affect how I feel about myself for the rest of the day or even the week.

• It affects how I spend my time because I have to work out longer to make up for it.
• It affects my mood because I feel grumpy and guilty for eating it.
• It affects my activity level because I feel heavier and sluggish and don't want to get out and go running.
• It affects my relationships because when I am sad about my body it makes Brian sad or frustrated and that affects the way we relate to each other.
• I cannot be encouraging or loving to my friends when I am consumed with thoughts about a Peanut Butter Blast going straght to my hips.
• It affects my relationship with God because when I criticise my body I am criticising his workmanship.

In the end, one Peanut Butter Blast adds extra weight to every area of my life.

I want to start seeing each food decision as missed or maximized opportunities.

• When I choose to drink coffee in the morning, it means I am missing an opportunity to drink more water.
• When I choose to eat a large cookie that means I am missing an opportunity to save time later because I will need to burn extra calories that day.
• When I eat extra carbs it means I am missing an opportunity to eat fruits and vegetables.
• When I go running after work it means I am maximizing an opportunity to be healthy and strong.
• When I order a salad instead of a cheeseburger it means I am maximizing an opportunity to get some servings of vegetables in.

I also don’t want to view food as “good” and “bad.” I don’t want to say that yesterday I made a “bad” decision to get a Sonic Reese’s Peanut Butter Blast. Because it wasn’t a bad decision. It tasted good. It was free. It was fun to eat. It just makes life a little harder on the back end b/c of guilt, or needing to work out more, or feeling fat or sloppy as a result of eating that Peanut Butter blast.

I will take responsibility for my decisions and own them. I will be aware of the decisions I am making. I will make a conscious effort to eat food that is better for me. I will do this to be healthier and to feel better about myself. I will not feel guilty or “bad” because of my decisions. I will just keep moving forward and remember that each decision is an important decision. Each decision is a spiritual decision. Each decision counts.

Time for a New Post

I just turned 27. 

I think it will be a good year.

However, it is kind of weird and strange because I feel like I am at an age where I should be going somewhere or doing something - heading towards bigger and better things. Instead, my life feels a little too comfortable, slightly stagnant, and pedestrian.  It is not bad by any means. It is just...safe and predictable and routine.

I keep thinking that I want to live a "BIG" life. I don't know what that means. A few years ago my definition of "BIG" was moving away to somewhere like New York City or Austin, TX. When I graduated college and moved Fairfax, I thought that by the time I was 27 I would be on my way to New York City because at that point I would have more life experience and be braver. 

Looking back I think, man I should have gone when I didn't know any better.  Because now I don't even think that I would like to live in New York City which had been my dream since the 6th grade. When I really think about it, it would end up being like living anywhere after a while - even if I worked in Rockafeller Center or the Empire State Building, after a while I would still just be going to work and coming home. 

My life is good. My parents live close enough that a trip to see them is easily made and I value that a lot. I have a great boyfriend, awesome friends, a fantastic church and I work for a company that I love. But I still find myself wanting more, thinking - is this it? 

How is my life glorifying to God when I go to work, go to the gym (on a good day), come home, eat dinner on a tray while watching TV, read, and go to bed? How does the mundane glorify God and why does it feel small?  

I am not a visionary. I don't have these wild and crazy dreams of how I want to change the world. I just want my life to not be small, to not be too comfortable, and to be moving forward instead of standing still. However, I am timid and I hate change so it is a challenge to get out of my comfort zone when all I want is for everything to never change.

What is going to matter when I look back on my life? Probably the relationships I had and poured into. But ultimately I think what will matter is how well I knew Jesus and served Him. And I suppose that a life with Him will not be small. He is the creator of the universe. I'm sure He could do some crazy stuff. The hard part is letting go to let Him do that.  I pray that I can.

XOXO,

jL

2009 Resolutions

Since the New Year officially starts tomorrow, January 5th (the Monday after New Year's weekend) - I thought I would share my New Year's resolutions.

1). Lose 16 pounds by April and set another goal after that.

2). To not have losing weight be my New Years Resolution next year.

3). Use more lotion, eye shadow, and bar soap - I have so much of these things it is ridiculous. Please never buy me grooming products. I am well stocked (18 eye shadow cases - some with multiple colors; 9 bars of soap; 13 bottles of lotion; and 5 bottles of body wash)!

4). To run the Marine Corps Marathon again this year.

5). To walk with God purposefully and figure out how to glorify Him in the mundane details of life.

6). To pray regularly for the United States, the President, and world events. And also to pray more in general.

7). To wear dresses often and well.

Happy New Year to all and to all a good night!

XOXO,

jL