Funny, Ridiculous, and Inappropriate Things Said to Pregnant Jen

Being pregnant with twins, I am larger than your average pregnant girl. I passed the realm of "cute" pregnant months ago, zipped right through "large but normal" pregnant, and have settled into the stage of "OMG - Look At That Whale of a Girl, I Feel So Bad For Her" pregnant where I will probably stay until these babies decide to make their debut (which will inevitably be on the last possible day that they are allowed to stay in the comfortable condo that is my uterus).

I have gotten lots of comments about my appearance and size in the past months. They are from random people, aquantainces, coworkers, and friends. Enough comments that I thought it warrented compiling them all into a shocking, hilarious, and slightly offensive treasure chest of "Things You Shouldn't Say to Pregnant Girls". So here we go:

-A lady at Target looked at me and said I must be ready to pop (which is pretty standard) and I responded with my typical, "Yes they could come any day but probably at the end of August". She asked, "Are there one or two in there?" (never ever a good question, seriously).
"Two," I responded.
She proceeded to say something else and then gave me a knowing/skeptical look and asked, "Are there really two?"
No. I am just lying to a complete stranger for the heck of it.

-Brian and I went to the Manassas Mall with his mom and within about 15 minutes I had at least six people ask when I was due, how many were in there, etc. I said, "I think the dress I am wearing makes me look bigger. I think it's the dress." His mom said, "Weeellll...I don't know..."

-Standing in line at McDonalds to get a drink and a lady came up to me and asked when I was due. When I said twins she said, "I thought so! Turn around and look at my dad. Dad! Dad! Look at this girl! She's having twins".

-Brian was coming back from the restroom and as two girls walked by him he heard them say, "Did you see that girl? She was HUGE!!"

-When I wasn't even hugely pregnant, I was told by a coworker that they were going to need to get a wheelbarrow to cart me around in. So I told my parents about it and then my dad started saying the same thing. I told him, "You know - that is actually not funny no matter who says it, even you."

-Since I work with another Jen, there was a period where I was called, "Big Jen" until I think people realized that it might be offensive. "Where is Big Jen?"; "Could you call Big Jen in here?"; "I was meeting with Big Jen"; etc.

-Another coworker told me (in front of our HR VP) that I looked like one of those balls that you could bounce stuff off of or that could bounce off walls. The HR VP looked at me and said, "You look beautiful" (she's a woman so she had some pity I think).

-I saw Grandpa Dave, one of my former coworkers who I LOVE and haven't seen in a few years recently. His wife looked at me and said, "You've gained some weight!" and I said, "Yep, I'm a little bigger." Dave said, "Shoot Girl! You havin' twins??" I figured he had heard it through the grapevine so I said, "Yep! A boy and a girl!" He replied, "Shoot Girl! I was just kidding with you."

-Probably my favorite so far was running into a friend at church where we had the following exchange:
Boy - Jen! You're HUGE!
Jen - Thanks. Thanks so much. Good to see you too!
Boy - What do you have, triplets in there???
Jen - Nope, just twins.
Boy - Oh Good, so there are more than one in there.
Jen - Yep. I'm not just carrying one freakishly large baby.
Boy - So Twins...that's gonna be HARD!
Jen - Yep.

I have had plenty of people say kind things to me so I am not posting this as any kind of a pity party. I just thought it would be enjoyable to have all of the ridiculous things in one spot to look back on some day :o) I will add more in the next few weeks if I get any.

Funn Fact #4 - James Haven Voight

James Haven Voight is Angelina Jolie's older brother. The son of Jon Voight and Marcheline Bertrand. He's the one she made out with at the Oscars and then said that she was "so in love" with her brother right now during her acceptance speech.

Recently I learned a few funn facts about Mr. Haven:
- His parents were going to give him the middle name Shiloh but went with Haven instead. Shiloh is one of his nicknames AND now the name of his niece Shiloh Jolie-Pitt.

-He became a born-again Christian recently and is or was a youth pastor at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church in California (which I have been to, btw).

-He is also on the advisory boards of the Global Action for Children and Artivist.

-He is rumored to be one of the driving forces in the recent Italy reunion of Jon Voight, Angelina and the kids.

It's crazy what kind of rabbit trails you go down during a standard google search.

Funn Fact #3 - The Impeachment of Clinton

If you were like me, you probably vaguely remember Bill Clinton getting impeached and vocabulary words such as Kenneth Star, Whitewater, Paula Jones, Blue Dress, and Linda Tripp. But I was in high school when everything went down and was way more interested in watching SNL skits of it than the real thing. This week I decided to find out what really happened from start to finish in the scandal that rocked the late 90's.

I found this link in my search which chronicles the whole torrid affair. Refresh your own memory here.

Funn Fact #2

Funn Fact #2

It turns out that Virginia celebrated Lee-Jackson-King Day for almost 20 years. It took that long for legislators to realize that celebrating the lives of Confederate Generals was incongruous with celebrating the life of a beloved Civil Rights leader. As my friend Kelly said, "that is the longest standing elephant in the room I have ever heard of."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee-Jackson-King_Day

Funn Fact #1

I have decided that from now on, anytime I look up a random fact I will post it to my blog. I'm doing this because I am terrible at keeping my blog up to date AND I feel like you might be as interested as I am in things like, "What is Monica Lewinsky up to these days?" or "Who is the actor that plays President Allison Taylor on 24". So please enjoy my first funn fact.

Funn Fact #1
Kiefer Sutherland's real name is Kiefer William Fredrick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland. He has his first given name Kiefer from the director who gave his father Donald the first movie role, Warren Kiefer. He also has a twin sister named Rachel. He also roomed with Robert Downey Jr. for three years when he first moved to Hollywood.

Things I Did Not Expect About Being Engaged

1). How Excited [crazy] My Mom Is

As my dad says, "she is spun up like a top." Within the first week I got engaged she had already gotten a sample bridesmaids dress, cake samples, looked at invitations, wedding dresses, and reception sites in Yorktown...and I am not even getting married down there. It is very funn to have a mom who is so excited and I am thankful for that.

2). How Much My Mom and I Disagree

I expected us to disagree on some things here and there. But it is everything. Literally 95% of the details.

I like: Hair down, tea length bridesmaids dresses with straps, orange and maroon, creative/trendy invitations, a funky cake, ties and vests for the men, the Waterford at Fair Oaks, an open bar.

She likes: Hair up, long strapless dresses, teal or blue, very traditional invitations, a white cake with white icing, bow ties, the Westfields Marriott, maybe a cocktail hour.

3). How Tempting Eloping Sounds

I always thought I wanted a big wedding with revelry and funn. Planning is very exciting but sometimes when I lay in bed at night I sigh and think, "is it really worth the fuss?" The answer is Yes. Mostly because of the entrance we will have at the reception.

4). How Stressful it is to be Told to be Selfish

The fact of the matter is I am a people pleaser. I have been told by lots of people that I need to be selfish and to do everything I want just the way I want it. That is actually more stressful for me b/c I hate dealing with the idea that I am disappointing people or that things will be tacky, ridiculous, or that all my bridesmaids will hate wearing orange and maroon dresses and curse me forever. Also, it is way more stressful to deal with fighting for details than to compromise and do something that will please the other people involved.

Maybe I will look back in 30 years and regret it but by then I will have my own daughter and can have my real dream wedding!

5). How Much Funn it is to Do It With Brian

He must have read a book on how to be a great fiance because he is doing awesome. He has mastered the following phrases:

"What do you need me to do"

"Are you sure I can't help address the invitations?"

"That sounds perfect"

"You are so creative"

"Anything you want"

and my personal favorite -

"All I want is a garage, basement, and to be married to you."

"Decisions are the Worst"

I think that I need to think about my food decisions in a wholistic way. Not just worrying about what I am going to eat for breakfast or for lunch. Seeing each meal as part of a whole. Part of my whole menu for the day. Part of my whole caloric intake for the week.

Each decision about food is an important one. I shouldn’t be thinking that it won't matter if I just have just this one cookie or just this one box of M&Ms because each little M&M plays into the bigger picture of my diet, my body, my life, my attitude.

One small decision to have a Reese’s Peanut Butter Blast from Sonic can affect how I feel about myself for the rest of the day or even the week.

• It affects how I spend my time because I have to work out longer to make up for it.
• It affects my mood because I feel grumpy and guilty for eating it.
• It affects my activity level because I feel heavier and sluggish and don't want to get out and go running.
• It affects my relationships because when I am sad about my body it makes Brian sad or frustrated and that affects the way we relate to each other.
• I cannot be encouraging or loving to my friends when I am consumed with thoughts about a Peanut Butter Blast going straght to my hips.
• It affects my relationship with God because when I criticise my body I am criticising his workmanship.

In the end, one Peanut Butter Blast adds extra weight to every area of my life.

I want to start seeing each food decision as missed or maximized opportunities.

• When I choose to drink coffee in the morning, it means I am missing an opportunity to drink more water.
• When I choose to eat a large cookie that means I am missing an opportunity to save time later because I will need to burn extra calories that day.
• When I eat extra carbs it means I am missing an opportunity to eat fruits and vegetables.
• When I go running after work it means I am maximizing an opportunity to be healthy and strong.
• When I order a salad instead of a cheeseburger it means I am maximizing an opportunity to get some servings of vegetables in.

I also don’t want to view food as “good” and “bad.” I don’t want to say that yesterday I made a “bad” decision to get a Sonic Reese’s Peanut Butter Blast. Because it wasn’t a bad decision. It tasted good. It was free. It was fun to eat. It just makes life a little harder on the back end b/c of guilt, or needing to work out more, or feeling fat or sloppy as a result of eating that Peanut Butter blast.

I will take responsibility for my decisions and own them. I will be aware of the decisions I am making. I will make a conscious effort to eat food that is better for me. I will do this to be healthier and to feel better about myself. I will not feel guilty or “bad” because of my decisions. I will just keep moving forward and remember that each decision is an important decision. Each decision is a spiritual decision. Each decision counts.