Joyfully

Recently one of my favorite blogs wrote an entry challenging her readers to write their joyful stories about motherhood.

Since Brian was away for the past two weeks, I was on baby duty every night and on the weekends. The thought of being by myself with them for that long was very overwhelming and scary. I knew that I would have lots of help from our awesome family and friends but at the end of the night, it was my responsibility to love them and manage them and keep them alive.

There were some challenging experiences (read - two trips to "walk around the mall" and dinner at Olive Garden that solidified my conviction that we will not be doing those things again for a very long time) but we have survived.

What I have found in the last two weeks is that I really do know my babies and I am excited and proud about that. I know their schedule. I know their cries. I know the unexplainable things.

• I know when Stephen is just so tired that he can't stand it and that Annabelle is in a clingy stage where she will follow you around until you pick her up.
• I know that in the morning Stephen will take a nap and then as soon as he wakes up Annabelle will fall asleep. Maybe I will get lucky and it will overlap for 15 minutes.
• I know that even though it seems like they don't like their vegetables or meat, they will, in fact, eat all of it if you make them.
• I know that when Stephen wakes up between 3:30 and 5:00am, all you need to do is give him a bottle - like just hand it to him - make sure he isn't wet, and go back to bed.
• I know that if you don't make eye contact with them while you are washing dishes or checking Facebook, they will play contentedly but as soon as they see you see them, they want you.
• I know that if Stephen is crying I can sing him "his song" and he will stop and smile at me real big.

I literally feel like every day I am more excited to go into their room to say "Good Morning" and I feel a little more urgent to get home to them after work. Like I can tangibly feel love grow. It is crazy.

They are just the greatest little people. I feel like watching them grow and change and learn and develop is the most exciting thing and also a little heartbreaking. Because they will never be this small again. They will never not know how to scoot or fit in to their 0-3 month clothes or be 6.7lbs again. I will never get to live the first day of their life again. But I will get to live lots of other firsts and I am excited for that. I just hope that I can savor each moment and love them better each moment and that at the end of my life, I will be able to confidently say that I did not waste this time with them.