Thursday, December 18, 2008

Irrational Fears and Aversions I Have

1). The seven minutes it take me to fall asleep - I love to sleep. Love it. Love it. Love it. I love my sheets and my bed and snuggling with my teddy bear. I love getting eight hours and feeling rested. I love waking up to Elliot in the Morning's maniacal laugh. 

However, I hate the seven minutes it takes me to fall asleep. Where everything is quiet and my brain has time to process the happenings of the day. It seems like irrational fears overtake me in this time and although I generally pass quickly through this phase into my dreams - I will do anything to avoid those seven minutes.  I have literally stayed up for 2 - 3 extra hours doing meaningless things to avoid those seven minutes. It is unhealthy. And weird. 

2). Running - Two years ago I was a runner. Last year at this time I had just finished the Marine Corps Marathon. And then somewhere along the way I started getting afraid that if I went running I wouldn't like it. 

Every time I would go running I would think, "I LOVE RUNNING. I feel awesome. This is great. Run Run Run!" and then afterwards I would think, "what if I don't like it next time" and I started avoiding it. And now I am not a runner. And I have this fear that if I go running I will feel my jiggles and wiggles all over the place and I will be too heavy to run. The irony is, if I went running I would get less wiggly and jiggly but I can't make myself get out there. It makes no sense. I don't know where this came from.  I think I need a running partner.

3). Falling or Tripping face forward and busting 
or chipping a tooth - Earlier this year I developed this fear that I would trip on cement or going up stairs, fall, and hit my tooth and chip it. I can imagine how it would feel to have my tooth knocked loose from my gums, hanging by a thread waiting to fall as blood gushes down my chin. It makes me cringe even now. So I bought an athletic mouth guard to wear when I go up and down stairs. 
Is it irrational? Yes. 
Does it help. Maybe. 
Am I embarrassed? No.

4). Left-Overs - I get afraid of left-overs if they have been in the refrigerator for more than three days. I get scared to smell them 
or see the consistency of them. I will not eat them. I just always assume they will smell bad and make me want to vomit. So I'll leave them in the fridge for weeks b/c I don't want to touch them. It is like, if i avoid it long enough, they will cease to exist. When I finally do empty them, they are as gross as I imagined and I gag and have to use rubber gloves to dispose of them. The irony is if I would just dispose of them the first day I think about it, it would be done and not that bad. It is a vicious cycle.

5). The Sound of Brushing Teeth - My roommate in college used to brush her teeth for two minutes without the water on. I would lay in my bed (we had a sink in our room) and think, "I can't take this. I can't take this. I am going to throw up." This happened every night and the thought still gives me chills.

6). Cruching/Chomping/Slurping/Chewing with Your Mouth Open - this is a new aversion thanks to my lovely boyfriend and his family. They are very against the aforementioned practices. If someone is making mouth noises, they will call you out in front of every
one. At first I thought this was needless and silly. Now, I notice every chomp, slurrp, and bite. My brother is slurping in the other room right now and I had to shut my door and turn on my music before I threw up. So, thank you Brian Armstrong. I appreciate this newfound awareness.  Sike.


Steve and Helene Norris said...

Jenn, I'm a big fan of your blog! Also, the best thing I can tell you do for motivation to run is sign up for a race.. that's what got me running!
PS: I really enjoyed talking to you and your bf at the RIC Christmas Extravaganza. Have a merry Christmas!

Sara Kane said...

Jen, you are great. love, Sara