I think it will be a good year.
However, it is kind of weird and strange because I feel like I am at an age where I should be going somewhere or doing something - heading towards bigger and better things. Instead, my life feels a little too comfortable, slightly stagnant, and pedestrian. It is not bad by any means. It is just...safe and predictable and routine.
I keep thinking that I want to live a "BIG" life. I don't know what that means. A few years ago my definition of "BIG" was moving away to somewhere like New York City or Austin, TX. When I graduated college and moved Fairfax, I thought that by the time I was 27 I would be on my way to New York City because at that point I would have more life experience and be braver.
Looking back I think, man I should have gone when I didn't know any better. Because now I don't even think that I would like to live in New York City which had been my dream since the 6th grade. When I really think about it, it would end up being like living anywhere after a while - even if I worked in Rockafeller Center or the Empire State Building, after a while I would still just be going to work and coming home.
My life is good. My parents live close enough that a trip to see them is easily made and I value that a lot. I have a great boyfriend, awesome friends, a fantastic church and I work for a company that I love. But I still find myself wanting more, thinking - is this it?
How is my life glorifying to God when I go to work, go to the gym (on a good day), come home, eat dinner on a tray while watching TV, read, and go to bed? How does the mundane glorify God and why does it feel small?
I am not a visionary. I don't have these wild and crazy dreams of how I want to change the world. I just want my life to not be small, to not be too comfortable, and to be moving forward instead of standing still. However, I am timid and I hate change so it is a challenge to get out of my comfort zone when all I want is for everything to never change.
What is going to matter when I look back on my life? Probably the relationships I had and poured into. But ultimately I think what will matter is how well I knew Jesus and served Him. And I suppose that a life with Him will not be small. He is the creator of the universe. I'm sure He could do some crazy stuff. The hard part is letting go to let Him do that. I pray that I can.
XOXO,
jL
2 comments:
We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing— that He is preparing and equipping us for some extraordinary work in the future. But as we grow in His grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, at this very moment. If we have God’s assurance behind us, the most amazing strength becomes ours, and we learn to sing, glorifying Him even in the ordinary days and ways of life.
-Oswald Chambers
If you owned a copy of Cold Tangerines, I'd tell you to read the first entry, entitled 'Waiting.' Maybe I'll scan and email you a copy.
Martin (my cute bf you met at church) and I were talking about this very subject the other day. He wrote a little blog about it http://whatismartin.blogspot.com/2009/01/slow-down-martin.html .
Enjoy!
Kristen
Ok so here is a wonderful update: you can read 'On Waiting' on the Cold Tangerines website. Click on 'read' then 'On Waiting'.
http://www.shaunaniequist.com/
It's exactly what your post is about...kind of :-)
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