Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Funny, Ridiculous, and Inappropriate Things Said to Pregnant Jen

Being pregnant with twins, I am larger than your average pregnant girl. I passed the realm of "cute" pregnant months ago, zipped right through "large but normal" pregnant, and have settled into the stage of "OMG - Look At That Whale of a Girl, I Feel So Bad For Her" pregnant where I will probably stay until these babies decide to make their debut (which will inevitably be on the last possible day that they are allowed to stay in the comfortable condo that is my uterus).

I have gotten lots of comments about my appearance and size in the past months. They are from random people, aquantainces, coworkers, and friends. Enough comments that I thought it warrented compiling them all into a shocking, hilarious, and slightly offensive treasure chest of "Things You Shouldn't Say to Pregnant Girls". So here we go:

-A lady at Target looked at me and said I must be ready to pop (which is pretty standard) and I responded with my typical, "Yes they could come any day but probably at the end of August". She asked, "Are there one or two in there?" (never ever a good question, seriously).
"Two," I responded.
She proceeded to say something else and then gave me a knowing/skeptical look and asked, "Are there really two?"
No. I am just lying to a complete stranger for the heck of it.

-Brian and I went to the Manassas Mall with his mom and within about 15 minutes I had at least six people ask when I was due, how many were in there, etc. I said, "I think the dress I am wearing makes me look bigger. I think it's the dress." His mom said, "Weeellll...I don't know..."

-Standing in line at McDonalds to get a drink and a lady came up to me and asked when I was due. When I said twins she said, "I thought so! Turn around and look at my dad. Dad! Dad! Look at this girl! She's having twins".

-Brian was coming back from the restroom and as two girls walked by him he heard them say, "Did you see that girl? She was HUGE!!"

-When I wasn't even hugely pregnant, I was told by a coworker that they were going to need to get a wheelbarrow to cart me around in. So I told my parents about it and then my dad started saying the same thing. I told him, "You know - that is actually not funny no matter who says it, even you."

-Since I work with another Jen, there was a period where I was called, "Big Jen" until I think people realized that it might be offensive. "Where is Big Jen?"; "Could you call Big Jen in here?"; "I was meeting with Big Jen"; etc.

-Another coworker told me (in front of our HR VP) that I looked like one of those balls that you could bounce stuff off of or that could bounce off walls. The HR VP looked at me and said, "You look beautiful" (she's a woman so she had some pity I think).

-I saw Grandpa Dave, one of my former coworkers who I LOVE and haven't seen in a few years recently. His wife looked at me and said, "You've gained some weight!" and I said, "Yep, I'm a little bigger." Dave said, "Shoot Girl! You havin' twins??" I figured he had heard it through the grapevine so I said, "Yep! A boy and a girl!" He replied, "Shoot Girl! I was just kidding with you."

-Probably my favorite so far was running into a friend at church where we had the following exchange:
Boy - Jen! You're HUGE!
Jen - Thanks. Thanks so much. Good to see you too!
Boy - What do you have, triplets in there???
Jen - Nope, just twins.
Boy - Oh Good, so there are more than one in there.
Jen - Yep. I'm not just carrying one freakishly large baby.
Boy - So Twins...that's gonna be HARD!
Jen - Yep.

I have had plenty of people say kind things to me so I am not posting this as any kind of a pity party. I just thought it would be enjoyable to have all of the ridiculous things in one spot to look back on some day :o) I will add more in the next few weeks if I get any.

No comments: